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Communicating
effectively with your partner
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Introduction
An open and healthy communication is a pre-requisite
to any long-term, committed relationship.
In fact, without communication there is no
intimacy in a relationship. Intimacy, or literally
"in-to-me-see", cannot exist without
both partners revealing themselves to each
other in a comfortable conversation. When
two people do not communicate, the relationship
is gradually reduced to conjecturing, (mis)
interpreting, hurting each other's feelings
or perhaps indulging mechanically into sex
without feeling strongly for each other.
Create the right context
By definition the word context means background,
circumstances, framework of an issue. To create
a context for the conversation is to create
a background, a framework for what you are
about to say. A context prepares the person
for what is about to come so his/her energy
can be focused on what you are saying instead
of on what is coming next.
A context mainly includes :
Topic:
What is it you'd like to talk about, to your
partner?
Relevance: Is
the topic of any relevance to your relationship
with your partner?
Consequence:
What do you want to achieve out of this conversation?
Initiating a conversation without putting
it in a context is presenting someone with
the 'unknown', which almost always guarantees
a defensive reaction. For example, if your
boss calls you into his office without specifying
the reason, your mind is at once distracted
and begins to contemplate over all the possible
reasons why he wants to see you. You assume
the worst and begin to prepare your defense.
Or you assume the best and set yourself only
to be shocked with his behavior. As you move
into his cabin, it is difficult for you to
listen and respond appropriately. Instead,
you are caught in your 'anticipations' and
'reactions'.
What if, instead of keeping the suspense on,
your boss indicated that he wanted to see
you in his office to discuss the performance
of your newly launched journal? By having
the context for the conversation, you can
focus on the issue at hand. You may have an
emotional response, but it will be confined
to the issue. Communication will flow more
easily. You will be able to hear what is being
said and will be in a position to respond
rather than react. |
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