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| Great
Expectations
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Scene 1
A bride is sitting, waiting on her wedding
night for her hubby dearest while she is dreaming
about her future, expecting to be showered
with abundant love and affection.
Scene 2
A drunkard enters the room and shouts incoherently
at the coy figure sitting timidly on the bed
and declares that their marriage was a sham
and that he does not accept her as his wife.
Scene 3
A close up of the poor little thing crying,
trying to make sense out of the nonsense.
But one thing is clear – her dreams
are shattered … forever …
Although the above sounds like an extreme
example from the regular soap operas on T.V.,
there is some truth in it. Everyone who enters
into matrimony does so with loads of anticipations
and expectations. Sadly, most of the times,
people are disappointed. And it turns out
to be a lonely way to realisation that all
is not what you hoped for.
The elderly and experienced have always advised
that the way to marital harmony is not to
have any expectations at all. They believe
that expectations are the main reasons of
marital discord and therefore they (i.e.,
hopes, dreams, anticipations, expectations)
should be treated as outcasts in marriages.
But is it humanly possible to do so?
Let us consider Urmila’s example. Urmila
Gupta is today an old lady with an intense
and an immense drive to succeed in this world.
When she married her husband (carefully chosen
as he hailed from a very rich and influential
family), she expected that both - her husband
and she together - would take the world by
storm. But she was in for a major disappointment
as it turned out that her husband was quite
contented with whatever he had. She tried
hard to ignite the flame of winning and achieving
money and fame in him, but she failed. Their
relationship began dissolving in fights that
increased in numbers & intensity, while
all love was lost. Today they are divorced,
living separate lives in completely different
worlds.
Couldn’t Urmila have been a little more
accommodating of her husband’s beliefs?
After all what is wrong with a self-contented
man?
If delved deeply into marital problems, one
will realise that passive acceptance or outright
rejection of situations are extreme solutions
that might not help relationships at all.
Rather, thinking about the kind of expectations
we have from our spouses, determining and
then eliminating the ‘unrealistic ones’,
is the best solution. |
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