|
| |
| |
| ...continued
from Page 1 |
Like Urmilla,
all of us dream of an ‘Ideal’
marriage. But the basic idea that one’s
marriage is going to be ‘perfect’
in itself is so ‘imperfect’. We
expect our spouses to love us forever, give
us undivided attention, bear all our misgivings.
In addition to that, we expect them to be
perfect, understanding, caring, loving, forgiving,
dynamic achievers, leaders, the best in whatever
they do, and the list can go on forever. We
want our partners to accept us with all our
drawbacks and shortcomings but we fail to
respond similarly. This indicates that we
have conveniently overlooked the concept of
‘unconditional love’- something
on the basis of which we got married in the
first place. The concept of expectations is
at a complete tangent to that of unconditional
love. And until one realises that unconditional
love is the only way to a successful marriage,
happiness in marriage can never be achieved.
Besides that we also need to keep aside those
fairytale romances that we read as infants
and take a reality check at ourselves. Some
matters on which couples clash with each other
are universal in nature, for e.g., the husband
expects his wife to cook everyday sumptuous
meals, despite knowing that she is one of
those ‘I-hate-cooking’ kinds,
whereas the wife expects him to show her perennial
love even after a hard day’s work. And
when these little fantasies remain unfulfilled
we feel cheated and disillusioned. Therefore
it has been said that the ratio of expectations
equals the ratio of divorces.
To reiterate, it does not imply that all expectations
should be abandoned. Rather it becomes necessary
to work your way towards realising them. That
is how you reduce the distance between your
present and what is called ‘a perfect
marriage’. The warning is for those
who become a victim of the fixation syndrome.
If there are some wishes that cannot be fulfilled,
then you need to move on. There is going to
be another dream demanding your energy, time
& attention.
But if you strongly believe in any change
that you want in your spouse’s behaviour
or attitude or in the marriage as a whole,
evaluate your desire and then communicate
and share it with your spouse. Your spouse
would never know what is expected out of him
or her unless not specifically said.
Last but not the least, keep reminding yourself
of the ‘till death do us part’
vows that you took during the marriage ceremony,
for they will surely help you through all
difficult times faced in relationships. If
you are really in love with your spouse and
your relationship matters the world to you,
then you will never let these unfulfilled
wishes hamper the bond. |
| |
| |
| |
|
| |
| |
|
|