How is the bride selected in an arranged marriage?
How is the groom chosen?
What are they thinking about while making the choice?
What do their respective parents think?

Now, finally, we have some answers! In an investigative report conducted by a team of 29 top-notch investigators from various investigative agencies such as the CID, CIA, CBI, MI5.9, RAW, and KUKD, a much clearer picture of what really happens has emerged. This report presents the facts.

THE SELECTION PROCESS

It is never easy finding a bride or a groom. That is the reason the guy ‘upstairs’ created the middleman (go-between) who is usually a woman. Of course, in the space-age we live in, it could also be a computer matching the couple-to-be, but more likely would be the ‘Wanted’ ads in the major newspapers,

A typical matrimonial for a bride runs as follows:

Wanted:
Tall, fair, beautiful, cultured, professional girl for well-settled, Punjabi Khatri boy in his late twenties, drawing a 5 figure income. Caste, creed, religion no bar.

Translation:
We are desperate! We have a 29 1/2 year old son who's never been on a date. He earns very little which he blows on booze and gambling. We don't give a damn who the girl is as long as she has a decent reputation. And our charlie is getting desperate.

A typical matrimonial for a groom usually goes like this:

Wanted:
Tall, handsome, well-settled, professional boy, 26-28 yrs. for fair, beautiful, homely Aggarwal girl, finishing her MA this year. Send returnable photo.

Translation:
We are sick and tired of all these bozos we've been seeing for our daughter! We want to marry her off before she starts getting ideas of a career and gets out of hand. Her boyfriends are beginning to become a pain in the neck. Non-Aggarwals need not apply.

Either through the newspaper or the go-between (usually the masi's bhabhi's younger sister's friend's aunt who has nothing better to do than make matches and then bore the whole world with details of all the ’successes’ she's had with getting people together), the respective parents finally narrow the list to the ’good’ prospects. Then comes the harrowing part of going to teas (and dinners) to meet the meat. The shopping is underway!