You just can't win WOMAN
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying,
If you don't, you are good for nothing.
If you agree with all her likes, she is abusing,
If you don't, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an experienced
man,
If you don't, you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks you
are too boring,
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well dressed, she says you are
a playboy,
If you don't, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it's bad,
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it's
too hard to wait,
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
If you visit another, she accuses you of being
a heel,
If she's visited by another, Oh! It's natural,
we are girls.
If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemen,
If you don't, you are not a man.
If you kiss her once in a while, she projects
you as being cold,
If you kiss too many, she yells that you are
taking advantage.
If you stare at others, she accuses you of
flirting,
If she is stared by others, she says they
are just admiring.
If you talk, she wants you to listen,
If you listen, she wants you to talk.
Oh! God, You created these creatures called
‘woman’
So simple, yet so complex.
So weak, yet so powerful.
So confusing, yet so desirable.
Please tell me what to do to win them!
Marriage Scenes
MARRIAGE (PART I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking
lady and after the wedding, laid down the
following rules: "I'll be home when I
want, if I want and at what time I want -
and I don't expect any hassle from you. I
expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing
and card-playing when I want with my old buddies
and don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine
with me. Just understand that there’ll
be sex here at seven o'clock every night .
. . whether you're here or not."
MARRIIAGE (PART II)
A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having
a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets
up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of
the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up. She
comes to the phone after many rings and the
irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer the
phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this late, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
MARRIAGE (PART III)
A man has six children and is very proud of
his achievement. He is so proud of himself,
that he starts calling his wife, "Mother
of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides
that it's time to go home and wants to find
out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall
we go home 'Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack
of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime
you're ready, Father of Four!" |