| There
are things that need to be said. Communication
cannot occur in a vacuum. It is impossible
to read minds or faces or possesses telepathic
powers. Feelings need to be conveyed in
clear and unambiguous words.
Barriers to communication :
1) Ego: The most potent of all factors
that create barriers in effective communication.
Neither of the couple is ready to initiate
a conversation after a fight. 'Why me?'
The bruised Ego does not allow words, as
simple as 'sorry' or 'please forgive me',
to flow out.
Possible Solution: The pen is mightier
than the sword. Words can be used to make
peace and end war. Slip a 'sorry' or 'forgive
me' note.
2) Elders: It is very difficult to
fight or say sweet things to your spouse
in front of your parents, in-laws or elders.
Certain code of conduct has to be followed
when elders around.
Possible Solution: Send them off
on a surprise Yatra. They will be happy
and so will you!
3) Attitudinal incompatibility or lack
of common interests: If one is an outgoing
disco freak and the other is an introvert,
a recluse; it becomes very difficult to
find a common link to keep the marriage
going.
Possible Solution: More the differences,
the luckier you are. Try and respect the
others feelings and preferences. Find a
middle way out. Spend one weekend at home
the other in a nightclub. Have fun. It is
very important in a relationship to have
fun irrespective of your age. It will ensure
that you do not stagnate in your relationship
of a LIFETIME, which is much more than an
uncomfortable WEEKEND.
4) Gender issues: Women have earned
themselves the tag of being ‘sentimental
fools’ who take trivial matters to
great lengths whereas men are pronounced
as ‘stone hearted’ spineless
creatures who are clueless as to the sentiments
of the fairer sex.
Possible Solution: Now that the
times are changing the gap should be sealed
with appropriate Communication and Feedback
mechanisms. Relationships need to be dealt
with on an individual basis where there
is an open, free and a candid atmosphere
between the people involved. Leave no room
for misunderstandings. Improve your listening
habits, to become a good communicator one
has to be a good listener.
Lets talk it out. Let us bring our grievances
to the table without any inhibitions or
preconceived notions and let us sort our
matters out in a mature and responsible
way. "Never ever sleep over a fight"
is what the modern communication expert's
advice. People need to be assured
and reassured when in a relationship.
You care for somebody, love somebody then
just don't keep it to yourself, say it.
Bee Gees' famous song "Its only words
- and words are all I have - to take your
heart away", says it all and so beautifully.
Whisper sweet nothings into the ears of
your loved one. Communicate your innermost
feelings, your likes your dislikes, your
expectations your passions, your grudges
your insecurities (naa naa... not in an
aggressive manner but a calm and neutral
manner). They are like parasites, like crabs
that eat into your heart and become your
nemesis if you harbour them for long. They
not only destroy you, but the people whom
you love too.
I like not only to be loved, but to be told
that I am loved; the realm of
silence is large enough beyond the grave.
George Eliot |