Myth 3: There is only 'one' perfect partner for each of us
When we fall in love or decide to get married, in our hearts we take it to be the bond of a lifetime. In most cases, it indeed turns out to be true. But there are some exceptional circumstances in relationships when for reasons beyond our control or explanation, we might have to discontinue being in a relation with our partner. What happens to the theory, ‘there is one perfect partner for each of us’ in that case? If this were the case, then would it ever be possible for people to stay happy in a marriage after the death of their spouse? Or, will people seeking divorce due to incompatible marriages ever find happiness in their second marriage? These questions are answers in themselves and they go about to prove that disillusionment with one partner or relationship is not the end of the world. There are always more than one potential mates available for each of us and there are always possibilities for new beginnings in life. Our job is to increase the probabilities of finding those potential partners.

Myth 4: With dream mate it is always 'Love at first sight'!
Romance and love at first sight are integral to our fantasies about mate selection. We love to hear stories about how people fall in love. We love the notion of two people gazing across a crowded room, eyes meeting, and love is in bloom. More often than not, these people are only infatuated, not in love. More often love grows between two people who have a common connection. It is the common connection that binds us, love then blooms in the soil of mutual interest, mutual respect, and friendship. An intentional strategy for mate selection can increase the odds of this happening.

Think, for example, of the process we go through in selecting our ‘dream house’. First in our minds, we develop an idea of what we are looking for : a particular location, ground floor, three bedrooms, spacious balcony, proximity to work place, etc. Then we estimate a price range fitting our budget. We may even get quite specific, because after all, we will be spending a lot of time and money in this house and we want to make sure that we will be happy in it. Next we contact a real estate agent and tell the agent our requirements. We also drive around various neighborhoods on our own, read magazines and newspapers, make inquiries; in short we do all the necessary homework. Then the agent begins to show us around. Not infrequently we may spend many months and view many houses, sometimes hundreds of houses and even years, depending upon our particular preferences and requirements. All along the way as we collect newer information, we keep on refining our choices.

Finally, one day, we step out of the agent's car and find ourselves standing in front of our dream house; it is almost 'love at first sight'! And that's what we go about telling our friends, family and colleagues.

However, in the joy of finding the dream house, we eliminate the fact that we spent many hours, months and years looking, searching, and refining before the ’dream’ house turned into a reality.

Imagine, if that were the kind of approach for finding a 'dream house', what would it take to find your 'dream mate'? A similar, rather more serious and dedicated attitude and a positive bent of mind. Afterall, it is not about a day, a month or an year… It is the question of your entire life!