Top
10 things men understand about women
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Now
I've tender thoughts and memories
Of the special time we shared.
I'd never been so close to you,
For it was more than souls we bared.
But I've since come to have regrets and
wonder if we erred,
For now the sores have failed to heal and
I'm really getting scared.
Top five signs you're married to a consultant
-Refers to the first month of your relationship
as a diagnostic period
-Ends any argument by saying, "Let's
talk about this off-line"
-Celebrates anniversary by conducting a
performance review
-Valentine's Day card has a bulleted list
(like the one you are reading)
-Refers to lovemaking as a win-win situation
International celebrity marriages
• |
If Kitty Carlisle
married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty
Twitty. |
• |
If Yoko Ono had
married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko
Ono Bono. |
• |
If Dolly Parton married
Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly
Dali. |
• |
If Bo Derek married
Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho.
|
• |
If Oprah Winfrey
married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah
Chopra. |
• |
If Cat Stevens married
Snoop Doggy Dogg, he'd be Cat
Doggy Dogg. |
| • |
If Olivia Newton-John
married Wayne Newton, then divorced
him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia
Newton-John Newton John. |
| • |
If Sondra Locke married
Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry
Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra
Locke Ness Munster. |
• |
If Bea Arthur married
Sting, she'd be BeaSting.
|
| • |
If Liv Ullman married
Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and
married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv
Ito Beaver. |
• |
If Snoop Doggy Dogg
married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop
Doggy Dogg Pooh. |
• |
How about a baseball
marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe
Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.
|
| • |
If G. Gordon Liddy
married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then
divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd
be G. Ghali G. |
| • |
Nog (Quark's brother
on "Star Trek Deep Space Nine")
has no other name, so he uses it twice
when getting a marriage license. If
he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela
Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes
Dare. |
| • |
If Shirley Jones
married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten,
then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley
Ewell Rotten Hale. |
| • |
If Ivana Trump married,
in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King
Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of
MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician),
she would then be Ivana Bean
Oscar Mayer Wiener. |
| • |
If Woody Allen married
Natalie Wood, divorced her and married
Gregory Peck,divorced him and married
Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood
Peck Hur. |
|