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| Marriage
Humour III |
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You
must be married; know someone who has been
married or possibly even have a married family
member ;) The following is not intended as
an endorsement of that condition. Nor is it
intended to condemn the sanctity of marriage
as a whole. Actually, there is no such motive,
just a desire to entertain with a little humour
and from what someone had said, as ‘little’
humour as possible.
Just sit back and enjoy, have a few chuckles
at your partner's / lover's / (dare I say
it?) spouse's expense!
Five Toughest Questions Women Ask
The 5 toughest questions women ask
- and their answers
The questions are:
1. "What are you thinking?"
2. "Do you love
me?"
3.
"Do I look fat?"
4. "Do you think she is prettier than
me?"
5.
"What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that
every one is guaranteed to explode into a
major argument and/or divorce if the man does
not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.
For example:
1. "What
are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course,
is, "I'm sorry if I've been lost in my
thoughts dear. I was just reflecting on what
a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent,
beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy
I am to have met you." Obviously, this
statement bears no resemblance whatsoever
to what the guy was really thinking at the
time, which was most likely one of five things:
•
Cricket
•
Football
•
How fat you are.
•
How much prettier she is than you.
•
How he would spend the insurance money if
you died.
According to the sassy article, the best answer
to this stupid question came from Al Bundy,
of ‘Married With Children’, who
was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I
wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd
be talking instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right
answer but many wrong answers:
2.
"Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes."
For those guys who feel the need to be more
elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear”.
Wrong answers include:
•
I suppose so.
•
Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
•
That depends on what you mean by "love".
•
Does it matter?
•
Who, me?
3. "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question
is to confidently and emphatically state,
"No, of course not" and then quickly
leave the room. Wrong answers include:
•
I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call
you thin either.
•
Compared to what?
•
A little extra weight looks good on you.
•
I've seen fatter girls.
•
Could you repeat the question? I was thinking
about your insurance policy.
4.
"Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could
be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were
starring at so hard thay you almost cause
a traffic accident or an actress in a movie
you just saw. In any case, the correct response
is, "No, you are much prettier."
Wrong answers include:
•
Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
•
I don't know how one goes about rating such
things.
•
Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
•
Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
•
Could you repeat the question? I was thinking
about your insurance policy.
5. "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer: "Dearest love,
in the event of your untimely demise, life
would cease to have meaning for me and I would
hurl myself under the front tires of the first
Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."
This might be the stupidest question of the
lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid
joke:
"Dear," said the
wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset,"
said the husband. "Why do you ask such
a question?"
"Would you remarry?"
persevered the wife.
"No, of course
not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't
you like being married?", said the wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd
remarry."
"You would?"
said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes"
said the husband.
"Would you sleep
with her in our bed?" said the wife after
a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose
I would." replied the husband.
"I
see," said the wife indignantly."
And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said
the husband.
"Really," said
the wife icily. "And would you take down
the pictures of me and replace them with pictures
of her?"
"Yes. I think that
would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping
to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let
her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the
husband. "She is left-handed." |
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