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Is
that fair?
Life is indeed cruel to men. When
they are born, their mothers get compliments
and flowers, when they get married their brides
get presents and publicity and when they die
their wives get the sympathies and the insurance
money. I sincerely believe that whosoever
termed the fair sex as the weaker sex has
done an unfair thing since the weaker sex
is indeed the stronger sex because of the
weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker
sex.
Marital relations
Those who marry in haste repent in leisure.
It is true that marriages are made in heaven,
but when the couples join hands on the earth,
it becomes just another union that defies
management. As the resonance of the wedding
recede into the background, the notes of discord
start appearing and the ‘better half'
starts looking like the bitter half. It does
not take long for the man to wonder what happened
to the girl he married and for the girl to
wonder what happened to the man she didn't
marry. But most often the discord happens
on account of the average husband's ambition
to be able to afford what his wife is spending.
As it always happens in such cases, the joint
account is never over-drawn by the wife, it
is always under-deposited by the husband.
Old couples, however, say that such differences
between husband and wife are only spice of
conjugal relationships; for, where there is
no difference there must be a vast degree
of indifference. The harmony arising out of
love is the essence that sustains marital
happiness. It has certain well defined secrets.
To be happy with a man, you must love him
a little and understand him a lot. To be happy
with a woman, you have to love her a lot and
understand her a little. Mutual trust and
confidence is the other touchstone of marital
harmony, as every husband expects himself
to be his wife’s first love while every
wife hopes herself to be her husband’s
last romance.
In the ultimate analysis, however, marriage
turns out to be like an American cafeteria:
you choose what you like and pay for it later.
What you pay and how much you pay depends
upon your luck. For, it takes quite a bit
of luck to make a wife out of a woman. Remember!
God created Woman after Man, and ever since
then she has been after man.
Deranged Marriage
"What are you doing today, oh
mother of my children?" queries papaji.
"Well," replies mumyji, "I
think I'll get some chores out of the way,
like marrying off your son!"
"What
a great idea." agrees dad. "You
do that while I wash the cars!"
And so the wheels of the 'marriage machine'
are set in motion. Once moving anyone wishing
to stop them is simply steam rolled over!
Before long an unsuspecting couple find that
it has carried them all the way to the temple.
Accompanied by a million voices commanding
their every move, they sit cross legged in
total bewilderment wondering which order to
obey first.
Evolution of the arranged marriage actually
starts as soon as the grades have been achieved,
the job secured and the Maruti-Suzuki acquired.
For then, life for the single Indian suddenly
shifts into the "eligible" gear.
Not only do mum and dad treat you like a prized
poodle, even the family relations (most of
whom you never knew you had) suddenly become
very aware of your existence, height, weight,
qualifications and shoe size!
Your eligible presence is announced to anyone
and everyone who may be remotely connected
to a potential partner! Usually this takes
the form of word-of- mouth or for the more
discerning families, the Matrimonial section
of Des Pardes! Whichever method is used, it
does not really matter, for the Indian grapevine
is far more effective than any 'information
super highway'! Once the word is out on the
street, the marriage gangsters have got you!
The belief that "marriages are made in
heaven" holds little value for Indians
on the 'arranged marriage’ train. Instead,
what quickly becomes apparent is that "marriages
are made by Aunty Gulabo" - who has a
very high success rate! A lady who is believed
to harbor an advanced scientific method to
ensure that 100% chemistry is achieved between
her ‘arrangements’, which says
that one of them must be a male and the other
not!
Hyperactive ladies such as Aunty Gulabo, have
successfully converted a fun-time hobby into
full-time employment. One that is best described
as a ‘marriage broker’. The broker's
portfolio contains ‘you’ as the
investment being hedged against unattached
stock floating on the market!
Although she acts as the go-between, you can
be assured that she'll go-between,
under, over and sideways to make sure that
the couple reach that temple on time!
Only then can another notch be etched on the
‘number of marriages I have fixed’
scale.
So what do parent's look for in their outlawed
(in-law to be) son? Financial security (supported
by the last three pay slips), of good repute
(no punch-ups with rival gangs), an education
(minimum four GCSEs) and having a strong body
with no hereditary diseases. Similarly, the
son's parents have their specification of
requirements. A sheltered and easily-satisfied
home (with no exposure to MTV) followed by
competence in housework, a degree in kitchen
management studies and a willingness to conform
to their pattern of living!
Further to these demands, the arrangees themselves
add their own ideals. The lady looks for intellect
to feed weekend dinner parties, a broad outlook
to ensure a balanced approach, appreciation
and practice of sexual equality, kindness,
generosity, trust-worthiness ...and on and
on and on! Fortunately, the guy's requirements
can, for all intensive purposes, be reduced
to one; she must be a babe!
With so many variables, constraints and participants
involved, it's a real wonder that such projects
ever see the light of day, let alone result
in an ever-lasting marriage! Nevertheless,
they do and there is a sporting chance that
the two families will live happily ever after
(sometimes, this includes the couple themselves)!
Indeed there is a high probability of AM (Arranged
Marriage) occurring in the morning to start
a PM (Perfect Marriage) in the afternoon.
Well, there is, if Aunty Gulabo got her sums
right! |
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